So…we are back again.
We hope this new blogspot identity for Lexicon, and a change to our email address, helps cut down on the ridiculous volume of spam we’ve been getting for the last six months. I am personally convinced that spammers were trolling the blog list and using search engines to target blogs by word recognition. The avalanche of erectile dysfunction spam came not long after we published the story of my experimentation with Viagra, and I don’t think it was coincidence.
More importantly, we had to take the blog private because of what I saw as a creeping change in the behavior of the three people central to this diary; namely Angie, Wilson, and me. Changes came subtly over the last few months on one level, and all at once on another level three weeks ago.
After some consideration, Angie felt regret at having so graphically, and in intimate detail, exposed her bedroom liaisons with Wilson. She had been expressing off and on for some time that she was not sure we should be telling so much of our personal story, but kept going along to make me happy. She finds the process of this diary as valuable as I do, but would be content if no one else ever saw the work. We have spent time repeatedly discussing this from every angle, and Angie will continue to write to this diary with me, but maybe not delve into the very intimate details of our sexual congress within this three-way so much. I think I can agree, if only to avoid redundancy; but I differ in one respect: if we experience something new or uncover some new understanding, hear our muse again, or uncover some new delicious thrill… why not write about it? My perspective is to use the diary for self-learning, but also to encourage feedback as part of the process of learning from others, so I am less bashful about sharing. The good news is that our readership is now restricted to a handful of fellow authors who know, and appreciate, what Angie and I are experiencing, and we have less to fear in the way of overexposure to a large and unknown readership.
Wilson’s situation was more complicated, and I blame myself. I took what I thought would be an original direction with the blog in the hopes we could gain greater understanding of the total dynamic by including the perspective of the “other man”: I told him about the blog and invited him to contribute as a guest author. His initial reaction was quite positive, but over time I began to sense something was changing. I wondered if he was experiencing some awkwardness at reading intimate details being written about him in the third person even as he was spending time in our company. It is understandable if he maybe began to feel a sense of being objectified on top of his other feelings.
My own contributions to the blog were becoming a little closer to the vest. I have to admit I was not posting what I really felt regarding Angie, Wilson, and their relationship, because I knew he would be reading the comments.
At the time those articles were published Wilson went away on vacation, to come back a strange man, all confused about whether he should carry on with Angie. In discussions with Angie upon his return he expressed his concern over his personal life and his desire to find what Angie and I have, his inability to comfortably reconcile my attitude about his liaison with Angie, as well as his issues with my rules. On these latter two points I was totally flummoxed. I never deviated from my open encouragement of their relationship. And my one “prime directive” was/is that they be careful and discrete to avoid discovery by our children.
The fact we were actively looking to engage another couple, before Angie expressed her building discomfort, could possibly have given Wilson pause. But if there was any doubt as to his future place in such an event he needed only to read the posts again. I suggested he come along as part of a “package deal”.
I thought to myself: “here he is with the no-strings-attached-freedom to enjoy the sexual delights of a beautiful woman that only his and her imagination can limit, with an understanding and encouraging husband by her side, with the possibility of exploring a deliciously more complex dynamic in the future with Angie and another couple….and Angie happens to live right next door. Is there something wrong with this picture?”
For her part Angie began to feel some regret over so enthusiastically pursuing a sexual relationship with Wilson, and made the mistake, I believe, of openly communicating to Wilson her retrospective of feeling like a tramp. Wilson could only surmise, by my reckoning, that the whole affair was fraught with drama. Right before my eyes I was watching the wheels come off of a very cool scene. I could not believe it.
Coincidentally or not, I still am not sure; Angie began to suggest we not continue along the arc of this thing we call The Life, and began to question if we really needed to explore liaisons with other couples. I saw this as backing out of something we agreed to at least try once before deciding if it is for us or not, and felt some exasperation at the prospect of truncating our journey prematurely. Well, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know we are actually fighting about what we believe and want. My attitude was: if we are not going to try something to its full extent, why try it in half measures? The dispute, I believe, was really in the detail of Angie’s comfort, or lack there of, with the idea of a foursome that would put me in the position of experiencing another woman. Angie was clearly not thrilled by the idea. So, in a fit of selfish pique I said I wanted to stop the whole thing: her relationship with Wilson, our process with the swingers club, and even this blog.
In some small measure this parallels the experience of Jeff and Jamie, who write Hotwife Couple, at one specific point in time of their own pursuit of the Hotwife lifestyle. He wanted her to break off her relationship, as I wanted Angie to do with Wilson. The difference in our respective stories centers in our motivations for asking our wives to disengage. The similarity exists in the fact that neither woman was ready to do so when issued the request/demand. Angie was unequivocal in her expressed position: she was not ready to end it with Wilson. She further accused me (rightly so) of backpedalling and being disingenuous with my previously stated desire to see her enjoy herself. Point taken.
I looked at this from Angie’s perspective and agreed I was not being fair. So I have backed off my request and came back to my original position to once again encourage Angie to continue seeing Wilson as long and as much as she wanted. And she was evidently fine with that. A couple of evenings later she came into our bed with scrapes on her knees. Well. But even now she questions whether Wilson is going to come fully back around. I have made things simpler for all of us by not including him in the readership of this blog. If and when he questions what happened to his access I will be honest with him.
On the matter of our pursuit of a foursome, Angie too has come back around to say she is OK with it. We’ll see. I still don’t know how far we will progress with another couple, if they should come along. Anna and Fredrick are no longer in the picture for us I guess. Angie just told me we received a note from them saying they have found another couple for right now, and they prefer to be “monogamous” with them. We understand because we have the same attitude…but damn…they were hot. Oh well.
The club had another one of those Bi Ladies nights this past Friday, but we weren’t there since we were downtown in our city enjoying a great time with friends and acquaintances we hadn’t seen for a while. But next weekend the club will have a Ladies Boot Night. Wait till they get a load at Angie in her Red Devil Thigh-Highs with the spiked heels. Oh yeah.
My (Angie’s) perspective:
When Alex approached me about giving the whole Lifestyle thing up I was surprised because although we were in constant discussion whether this was right for us there was no warning that he wanted to stop so abruptly. I have to admit I questioned his motives and after reading the above entry he made I was correct in my assumptions. Alex was feeling exasperated that we weren’t progressing and I always seemed on the fence on which way I wanted things to go. I felt a little betrayed, supposedly this all started for my enjoyment and now Alex was taking it all away. When I realized this pursuit could really be over I felt very let down and knew that I wanted to continue after all. After much discussion Alex and I have come to realize we actually are closer to accepting the Lifestyle than not.***
We’ll close this post here, but my last comment is to say Angie and I are solid and having so much fun together every day. We have taken time for ourselves, and have been going to the beach on my vacation days and out on the town in the evening. I truly enjoy squiring Angie about town on my arm, then going back home and into bed to continue on like college kids.
We hope this new blogspot identity for Lexicon, and a change to our email address, helps cut down on the ridiculous volume of spam we’ve been getting for the last six months. I am personally convinced that spammers were trolling the blog list and using search engines to target blogs by word recognition. The avalanche of erectile dysfunction spam came not long after we published the story of my experimentation with Viagra, and I don’t think it was coincidence.
More importantly, we had to take the blog private because of what I saw as a creeping change in the behavior of the three people central to this diary; namely Angie, Wilson, and me. Changes came subtly over the last few months on one level, and all at once on another level three weeks ago.
After some consideration, Angie felt regret at having so graphically, and in intimate detail, exposed her bedroom liaisons with Wilson. She had been expressing off and on for some time that she was not sure we should be telling so much of our personal story, but kept going along to make me happy. She finds the process of this diary as valuable as I do, but would be content if no one else ever saw the work. We have spent time repeatedly discussing this from every angle, and Angie will continue to write to this diary with me, but maybe not delve into the very intimate details of our sexual congress within this three-way so much. I think I can agree, if only to avoid redundancy; but I differ in one respect: if we experience something new or uncover some new understanding, hear our muse again, or uncover some new delicious thrill… why not write about it? My perspective is to use the diary for self-learning, but also to encourage feedback as part of the process of learning from others, so I am less bashful about sharing. The good news is that our readership is now restricted to a handful of fellow authors who know, and appreciate, what Angie and I are experiencing, and we have less to fear in the way of overexposure to a large and unknown readership.
Wilson’s situation was more complicated, and I blame myself. I took what I thought would be an original direction with the blog in the hopes we could gain greater understanding of the total dynamic by including the perspective of the “other man”: I told him about the blog and invited him to contribute as a guest author. His initial reaction was quite positive, but over time I began to sense something was changing. I wondered if he was experiencing some awkwardness at reading intimate details being written about him in the third person even as he was spending time in our company. It is understandable if he maybe began to feel a sense of being objectified on top of his other feelings.
My own contributions to the blog were becoming a little closer to the vest. I have to admit I was not posting what I really felt regarding Angie, Wilson, and their relationship, because I knew he would be reading the comments.
At the time those articles were published Wilson went away on vacation, to come back a strange man, all confused about whether he should carry on with Angie. In discussions with Angie upon his return he expressed his concern over his personal life and his desire to find what Angie and I have, his inability to comfortably reconcile my attitude about his liaison with Angie, as well as his issues with my rules. On these latter two points I was totally flummoxed. I never deviated from my open encouragement of their relationship. And my one “prime directive” was/is that they be careful and discrete to avoid discovery by our children.
The fact we were actively looking to engage another couple, before Angie expressed her building discomfort, could possibly have given Wilson pause. But if there was any doubt as to his future place in such an event he needed only to read the posts again. I suggested he come along as part of a “package deal”.
I thought to myself: “here he is with the no-strings-attached-freedom to enjoy the sexual delights of a beautiful woman that only his and her imagination can limit, with an understanding and encouraging husband by her side, with the possibility of exploring a deliciously more complex dynamic in the future with Angie and another couple….and Angie happens to live right next door. Is there something wrong with this picture?”
For her part Angie began to feel some regret over so enthusiastically pursuing a sexual relationship with Wilson, and made the mistake, I believe, of openly communicating to Wilson her retrospective of feeling like a tramp. Wilson could only surmise, by my reckoning, that the whole affair was fraught with drama. Right before my eyes I was watching the wheels come off of a very cool scene. I could not believe it.
Coincidentally or not, I still am not sure; Angie began to suggest we not continue along the arc of this thing we call The Life, and began to question if we really needed to explore liaisons with other couples. I saw this as backing out of something we agreed to at least try once before deciding if it is for us or not, and felt some exasperation at the prospect of truncating our journey prematurely. Well, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know we are actually fighting about what we believe and want. My attitude was: if we are not going to try something to its full extent, why try it in half measures? The dispute, I believe, was really in the detail of Angie’s comfort, or lack there of, with the idea of a foursome that would put me in the position of experiencing another woman. Angie was clearly not thrilled by the idea. So, in a fit of selfish pique I said I wanted to stop the whole thing: her relationship with Wilson, our process with the swingers club, and even this blog.
In some small measure this parallels the experience of Jeff and Jamie, who write Hotwife Couple, at one specific point in time of their own pursuit of the Hotwife lifestyle. He wanted her to break off her relationship, as I wanted Angie to do with Wilson. The difference in our respective stories centers in our motivations for asking our wives to disengage. The similarity exists in the fact that neither woman was ready to do so when issued the request/demand. Angie was unequivocal in her expressed position: she was not ready to end it with Wilson. She further accused me (rightly so) of backpedalling and being disingenuous with my previously stated desire to see her enjoy herself. Point taken.
I looked at this from Angie’s perspective and agreed I was not being fair. So I have backed off my request and came back to my original position to once again encourage Angie to continue seeing Wilson as long and as much as she wanted. And she was evidently fine with that. A couple of evenings later she came into our bed with scrapes on her knees. Well. But even now she questions whether Wilson is going to come fully back around. I have made things simpler for all of us by not including him in the readership of this blog. If and when he questions what happened to his access I will be honest with him.
On the matter of our pursuit of a foursome, Angie too has come back around to say she is OK with it. We’ll see. I still don’t know how far we will progress with another couple, if they should come along. Anna and Fredrick are no longer in the picture for us I guess. Angie just told me we received a note from them saying they have found another couple for right now, and they prefer to be “monogamous” with them. We understand because we have the same attitude…but damn…they were hot. Oh well.
The club had another one of those Bi Ladies nights this past Friday, but we weren’t there since we were downtown in our city enjoying a great time with friends and acquaintances we hadn’t seen for a while. But next weekend the club will have a Ladies Boot Night. Wait till they get a load at Angie in her Red Devil Thigh-Highs with the spiked heels. Oh yeah.
My (Angie’s) perspective:
When Alex approached me about giving the whole Lifestyle thing up I was surprised because although we were in constant discussion whether this was right for us there was no warning that he wanted to stop so abruptly. I have to admit I questioned his motives and after reading the above entry he made I was correct in my assumptions. Alex was feeling exasperated that we weren’t progressing and I always seemed on the fence on which way I wanted things to go. I felt a little betrayed, supposedly this all started for my enjoyment and now Alex was taking it all away. When I realized this pursuit could really be over I felt very let down and knew that I wanted to continue after all. After much discussion Alex and I have come to realize we actually are closer to accepting the Lifestyle than not.***
We’ll close this post here, but my last comment is to say Angie and I are solid and having so much fun together every day. We have taken time for ourselves, and have been going to the beach on my vacation days and out on the town in the evening. I truly enjoy squiring Angie about town on my arm, then going back home and into bed to continue on like college kids.
9 comments:
Love the pictures! Thrilled you have worked out the issues that were concerning you.
A very honest and refreshing look at the risks and problems of non-monogamy. I can understand Wilson's POV, too, as you two have a singular advantage over him, one he can't compete against: intimacy when he's not around. Inviting him to join in is still less than full partnership. But I am glad you're exposing these fissures and will look forward to future installments.
well first let me say. I agree that Eve is a beautiful woman and Wilson a lucky man to get into that lovely body...I envy him on that regard and Im sure Eve will be the subject of many a sexual fantasy of not only Wilson but of any man who has a beating heart and has seen her. Now I agree with Tom. I have always said that if one ventures into cuckolding or hot wifing or whatever one may call it, that it must be for the woman with the man taking his pleasure from the fact that she is getting sexually satisfied.
I disagree that Eve has shared too much intimacy as I understand you both more now. I also understand why she may feel that way.
Wilson is not in my view conflicted about any thing. I find that men who fuck other mens wives may do so for the physical pleasure but those same men tend to be possesive. They want a stable full of women but they dont want other men fucking them. I think its primal and there are few men like us Alex who gladly surrender our bedding rights if only for a few moments. I would venture to guess that most men who do other men's wives would if they could say it and get away with it./..."Do not fuck her agin, her pussy is now mine.! but of course if they did that they wouldnt get any pussy now would they?
Thank you all for coming in and sharing your thoughts.
I will share your compliments with Eve. I know she will appreciate them very much.
If it is of interest to anyone, we are currently talking to a professional photographer about the possibility of doing an interpretive work on our passion for each other. If we can get comfortable the self indulgent narcissism, we may share the work. I tried to do it myself, but found it is impossible to maintain the mood while running over to the camera with a bobbing erection while waving my hands and asking Eve to position her self just so.
Wilson is more complicated than I had earlier perceived. My own cooling to this affair is partly rooted in what I see as a fundamental difference in Eve and Wilson's respective motivations for the affair. Eve would really like this to become a meaningful Friendship With Benefits (she is uncomfortable with the term "boyfriend"). I think Wilson sees Eve as just a Fuck Buddy. If I continue to feel this way my support for this thing is going to wane rapidly. Eve needs to be appreciated and adored. I want Eve to know adoration by the other, if it can not be called love.
I think he has an intimacy, or commitment, issue. This is a guy who supposedly has had many, many girlfriends, but no relationship lasts. As for his perspective on open relationships, he is fine as long as it is the other guy who is open. He has admitted he could never give his woman up to another man because of his possessiveness, and he may secretly think I am strange or weak.
I know of other threesomes that follow the “cuckold fantasy” of the dominant “bull” (ugh, there is that word), and the submissive husband, where the bull demands the husband no longer have sex with his wife, as the bull now “owns” the wife. When real, and not merely play acting, the dynamic is partly based on possessiveness, but more so on dominance. And I for one wouldn’t buy into that scene because I am an alpha type. This may be one small factor that plays a part in Wilson’s inability to relax with this thing of ours. He can’t call the shots. He has alluded to Eve at having to deal with my “rules”. Too bad.
But if Eve initiated such control over me because it made her happy, I would not object. Control is power. Power is an aphrodisiac.
Motivations are so damn tricky. I think that what I have been trying to foster and have fought with VSK over is her willingness to be open to doing what she really wants to do. She has shared trepedations parallel with what Eve has, and I think that is just natural given our world of the virgin/whore dichotomy. As for Wilson, and the extra M in the relationship, VSK and I have found a guy or two but really no one who will actively share in a way that doesn't make us both feel a big diminished. Part of that is that there are no role models for such behavior in a male that are positive, that are not about taking something or degrating the "cuckold" etc. This is new territory for men, to be sexual in front of other men in a positive non-competitive way. Its almost an oxymoron, given the definitions of feminiity (nuturing sharing) and masculinity (just about anything that involves not-sharing owning possessiveness etc). So Wilson's motivations have to be varied, and the gendered poles he must swing between (no pun intended) have got to be tough. Ah, but to be in his shoes . . .
On another note you wrote:
"My own contributions to the blog were becoming a little closer to the vest. I have to admit I was not posting what I really felt regarding Eve, Wilson, and their relationship, because I knew he would be reading the comments."
This is something that I have been struggling with. How much to say given I know some of the folks who will be reading this? I have a whole new story to tell that remains on the shelf because I'm not sure the blog is where it should see the light of day. The blog should be, I think, like a good friend you can tell stuff too and connect with. If you have to wonder about that friend, then you aren't going to share. Which sorta defeats the purpose.
I'll look forward to your next post!
Thank you for coming in VSKW. Or should I just call you "Dubya" from now on? LOL.
A best role model for the third man in, in my mind, would more likely be a sophisticated gentleman who is the lover to a younger couple.
Little more than a year ago I followed a story written by a young bride who met such a man on her honeymoon. The story is too long to go into here, but her husband acquiesced to her desire to have that older man when she learned, by round about means, that men's penises are usually larger than her husband's. The couple were virgins with no other sexual experiences, according to her story, and she just never knew before that her husband was quite small by comparison.
Anyway, this older man was very much an "uncle" figure who maitained a degree of decorum and respect for the young groom, without taking for granted what he had with the bride.
I have not followed their tale since then, and probably would not be able to contact them if I wanted, but her story actually covered a period of a year after that fateful honeymoon. And it evidently worked out well for all precisely because the older man was a gentleman about it.
My situation with Eve and Wilson is different in that I am older, and somewhat more sophisticated in respect to this lifestyle. So I found myself educating him, and that included the parameters of the total relationship. Yes, it is tough for him, I am sure, but....such a deal!
-Alex
These comments are really interesting. I think we are all in agreement that the "fantasy world of cuckolding" is not what any of us are about. I have genuinely like that over the years my wife and her number one guy have developed a friendship that I think goes beyound just being fuck buddies but there is no real emotional ties..I think that is why we were both so upset with him when she went to his hotel and he had her stay in the room while he swilled beer with his partner. that just was not right, and frankly it pissed me off and I dont think it sat well with her either..
WOW BD,
That guy should be given the pick slip for that transgression. That is flat out disrespectful. It is, I think, an unfortunate case of "Familiarity Breeds Contempt".
That is why I have cautioned Eve to never let any outside relationship be on the other guy's terms, or to be too accessible on his schedule. Exclusivity has its rewards.
I'm just catching up with your blog now that we're back from vacation, and I must say - this post and the comments have been quite interesting! Given our own past experiences, posts from other blogs (such as Jeff & Jamie), and the comments here, it would seem this type of situation is not all that uncommon.
As we ourselves move into a new "friend with benefits" relationship with a new guy, we're hopeful that the gentlemanly ways that he has shown and that you spoke of do indeed continue.
As a side note, I totally agree with your comment that..."Control is power. Power is an aphrodisiac." We are exploring some of that aphrodisiac power at the moment, are quite enjoying it, and looking forward to seeing exactly how far that aspect might go!
It appears you two have a strong relationship and I wish you both the best! I also extend hope that your relationship with Wilson will progress into something you all three are happy with - and if not, that you two will have the love and understanding for each other to cancel it out and search elsewhere for a more compatible friend with benefits.
Peace!
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