Angie and I still had not fully appreciated the underlying causes of our little misunderstanding coming out of that sensational weekend with Lori and Paul. This misunderstanding was touched upon in the Recollections and Impressions post, so it won’t be repeated in detail here but to say that we still have internal issues to process before we can think about continuing this adventure into polyamory.
I should digress here a bit and capture the evolution of our search from exclusively single males with whom Angie could cuckold me, to the inclusion of couples and my experiencing another woman in a four-way arrangement.
Over the course of a few years, the search to find a suitable single male with whom we could engage in a cuckold relationship proved to be difficult to achieve. We simply wanted a gentleman with whom we could have a high level of trust, who would meet the litmus for compatibility and maturity. I cannot possibly recount all of the misses we encountered on Craigslist, but there seemed to be a distressful consistency in the lack of sophistication and emotional intelligence Angie and I were detecting. In a few cases the dialogue was allowed to proceed for a length, but almost always terminated when the correspondence left us feeling pressured or suspicious of the other’s temperament. It was ironic that the most thoughtful and considerate respondent was 18 years old, but that tender age is too far below the minimum threshold for Angie and me to not feel like pedophiles. No, what we most often got was written responses that had the grammatical damage of a life spent texting too much, or the mangled English of a 7th grade drop out. To the other extreme, we did see some well penned responses, but the connection could not be made because a physical attraction could not be found through exchange of photographs. There may have been missed opportunities there, but a picture is all we have to go on beyond the dialogue to determine some sense of initial attraction.
Ross, Angie’s second lover, was unattached, educated, gentlemanly, successful, handsome, and a home owner within a short drive from our home. Ross established the standard for the single male, even though he could not carry on the arrangement with Angie due to a strong desire to have his own committed relationship. I believe he is one of the few exceptions in a wide pool of male mediocrity.
The fact we had so many misses with single guys left me wondering if there was a common cause-and-effect to all these single guys looking for a hook up with a married woman. I wondered if we might have better luck with a married couple looking for a three-way, or soft swap. I expected to see a better quality of male, as I began to operate with the notion the woman improves the man.
Well, the search results were so-so. The difficulty of finding a match was compounded by the added mathematics. Most “swinger” couples operate with the understanding that the arrangement is going to be a four-way equality, and “neither partner takes one for the team”. There is also a very strong correlation between the perceived desirability of the other couple and age. We were actually rejected by a late-30/40 something couple because of the fact we are 50, despite seeing our pictures and commenting on our attractiveness. Maybe they really thought we were trolls and didn’t want to hurt our feelings, but the age thing is one of the essential factors for compatibility between couples. We rejected couples, or they rejected us, simply because the specifics and intangibles of what makes someone attractive could not be met.
But along came Lori who answered our add looking for a “soft swap” couple, and slowly persuaded us to examine the parameters of our sexual arrangement; and eventually persuaded Angie to allow me to experience Lori sexually. I should note here that Lori came on direct and strong. We received more than a few X-rated pics during our initial contact, which left Angie and I feeling conflicted because X-rated amateur photos rarely turn us on or fire our imagination. But she persevered and we came to look forward to her communications. So when we did meet face to face, a degree of familiarity was already established.
From that point on it seemed natural (for me) to think that the best opportunities for exploring polyamory would come through couples, even though the original premise of a cuckold relationship with my wife and a single male lover for her would be compromised. I did not dwell on this fact, but allowed matters to progress in this direction, and kept putting out feelers for other couples, even though I repeatedly inquired of Angie as to her comfort level with pursuing couples for a four-way. Though I was never told to stop searching for couples I did not readily detect Angie’s deep underlying issues with this progression.
A week ago we came across “Jillian” and “Edward”. To cut to the chase, we did not have a four-way match on the basis of appearance, but we agreed to meet at a local restaurant just to chat. I expected the evening to progress along platonic lines, and even inquired earlier by text to Jillian what her and Edward’s interests were for leisure time activities. Her response did not fit my expectations so I was fairly convinced we were not going to establish much of a friendship, but thought maybe they could be fun to just go biking.
When asked by Angie what the expectations were for the evening I said it was going to be platonic. Well, we showed up at the restaurant dressed casual but neat. They were already seated at the bar; Edward was dressed in casual slacks and a knit pull over…but Jillian came wearing a black leather halter top cut in an exaggerated open “V” down to the navel, linked with horizontal chains. Her breasts were hanging out of the garment like lobster trap floats.
But we toughed out the initial shock/disappointment and actually had a reasonably entertaining couple of hours talking about all sorts of things, including our lifestyle experiences. Then we all said our goodbyes and went home. No worse for the wear, or so I thought.
It wasn’t until the end of the weekend that things surfaced and boiled over. All I can say at this point is this: what was perceived by one person as a bait and switch set up to “take one for the team” for the benefit of the other led to snooping through text messages, incriminations and hysterical accusations, demands for divorce, and (incredibly) threats to “out” our lifestyle to our children. Needless to say, at least one of us was totally dumbstruck. I think Angie was so repulsed by Jillian's vulgar display that her negative feelings about the meeting were amplified to the point of misplaced rage that I would actually be attracted to someone who would present themselves in such a manner in a family restaurant. The fact is, I never knew Jillian planned to dress that way. Yet, I believe the whole issue is, at its root, one of insecurity and jealousy confounding a rational assessment of what transpired with that couple.
The good news is that Angie and I have been able to talk about the matter and put it to rest. However, what lingers is the nagging disappointment that Angie and I are not completely on the same page on all facets of a polyamorous lifestyle. Maybe the cuckold lifestyle is more appropriate for the asymmetric levels of confidence we have in our primary relationship. Maybe one was willing to go along with the experiment into polyamory for the sake of the other, rather than because they were really into it themselves. At one point I said to Angie that if she wanted to continue this thing she could do the search from now on.
So, where does this bring us? Well, we still have Lori and Paul as a special exception to the circumstances, but I do not know if we will actually make any more meetings happen. And I don’t know anymore about the cuckold lifestyle. We in fact had a date lined up for this past Saturday with a 25 year old single guy, after the sturm und drang of the preceding weekend, only to learn the same lesson over again: any guy under 40 is not a high probability to be “real” when it comes time to show up and meet in person. We got stood up.
We bailed out on Lexicon once before because we had hit a stumbling block on this journey, and may or may not bail again for good. It is not clear where this will all go, but it may be a while before we post anything again.
Some things take time to work through.
I should digress here a bit and capture the evolution of our search from exclusively single males with whom Angie could cuckold me, to the inclusion of couples and my experiencing another woman in a four-way arrangement.
Over the course of a few years, the search to find a suitable single male with whom we could engage in a cuckold relationship proved to be difficult to achieve. We simply wanted a gentleman with whom we could have a high level of trust, who would meet the litmus for compatibility and maturity. I cannot possibly recount all of the misses we encountered on Craigslist, but there seemed to be a distressful consistency in the lack of sophistication and emotional intelligence Angie and I were detecting. In a few cases the dialogue was allowed to proceed for a length, but almost always terminated when the correspondence left us feeling pressured or suspicious of the other’s temperament. It was ironic that the most thoughtful and considerate respondent was 18 years old, but that tender age is too far below the minimum threshold for Angie and me to not feel like pedophiles. No, what we most often got was written responses that had the grammatical damage of a life spent texting too much, or the mangled English of a 7th grade drop out. To the other extreme, we did see some well penned responses, but the connection could not be made because a physical attraction could not be found through exchange of photographs. There may have been missed opportunities there, but a picture is all we have to go on beyond the dialogue to determine some sense of initial attraction.
Ross, Angie’s second lover, was unattached, educated, gentlemanly, successful, handsome, and a home owner within a short drive from our home. Ross established the standard for the single male, even though he could not carry on the arrangement with Angie due to a strong desire to have his own committed relationship. I believe he is one of the few exceptions in a wide pool of male mediocrity.
The fact we had so many misses with single guys left me wondering if there was a common cause-and-effect to all these single guys looking for a hook up with a married woman. I wondered if we might have better luck with a married couple looking for a three-way, or soft swap. I expected to see a better quality of male, as I began to operate with the notion the woman improves the man.
Well, the search results were so-so. The difficulty of finding a match was compounded by the added mathematics. Most “swinger” couples operate with the understanding that the arrangement is going to be a four-way equality, and “neither partner takes one for the team”. There is also a very strong correlation between the perceived desirability of the other couple and age. We were actually rejected by a late-30/40 something couple because of the fact we are 50, despite seeing our pictures and commenting on our attractiveness. Maybe they really thought we were trolls and didn’t want to hurt our feelings, but the age thing is one of the essential factors for compatibility between couples. We rejected couples, or they rejected us, simply because the specifics and intangibles of what makes someone attractive could not be met.
But along came Lori who answered our add looking for a “soft swap” couple, and slowly persuaded us to examine the parameters of our sexual arrangement; and eventually persuaded Angie to allow me to experience Lori sexually. I should note here that Lori came on direct and strong. We received more than a few X-rated pics during our initial contact, which left Angie and I feeling conflicted because X-rated amateur photos rarely turn us on or fire our imagination. But she persevered and we came to look forward to her communications. So when we did meet face to face, a degree of familiarity was already established.
From that point on it seemed natural (for me) to think that the best opportunities for exploring polyamory would come through couples, even though the original premise of a cuckold relationship with my wife and a single male lover for her would be compromised. I did not dwell on this fact, but allowed matters to progress in this direction, and kept putting out feelers for other couples, even though I repeatedly inquired of Angie as to her comfort level with pursuing couples for a four-way. Though I was never told to stop searching for couples I did not readily detect Angie’s deep underlying issues with this progression.
A week ago we came across “Jillian” and “Edward”. To cut to the chase, we did not have a four-way match on the basis of appearance, but we agreed to meet at a local restaurant just to chat. I expected the evening to progress along platonic lines, and even inquired earlier by text to Jillian what her and Edward’s interests were for leisure time activities. Her response did not fit my expectations so I was fairly convinced we were not going to establish much of a friendship, but thought maybe they could be fun to just go biking.
When asked by Angie what the expectations were for the evening I said it was going to be platonic. Well, we showed up at the restaurant dressed casual but neat. They were already seated at the bar; Edward was dressed in casual slacks and a knit pull over…but Jillian came wearing a black leather halter top cut in an exaggerated open “V” down to the navel, linked with horizontal chains. Her breasts were hanging out of the garment like lobster trap floats.
But we toughed out the initial shock/disappointment and actually had a reasonably entertaining couple of hours talking about all sorts of things, including our lifestyle experiences. Then we all said our goodbyes and went home. No worse for the wear, or so I thought.
It wasn’t until the end of the weekend that things surfaced and boiled over. All I can say at this point is this: what was perceived by one person as a bait and switch set up to “take one for the team” for the benefit of the other led to snooping through text messages, incriminations and hysterical accusations, demands for divorce, and (incredibly) threats to “out” our lifestyle to our children. Needless to say, at least one of us was totally dumbstruck. I think Angie was so repulsed by Jillian's vulgar display that her negative feelings about the meeting were amplified to the point of misplaced rage that I would actually be attracted to someone who would present themselves in such a manner in a family restaurant. The fact is, I never knew Jillian planned to dress that way. Yet, I believe the whole issue is, at its root, one of insecurity and jealousy confounding a rational assessment of what transpired with that couple.
The good news is that Angie and I have been able to talk about the matter and put it to rest. However, what lingers is the nagging disappointment that Angie and I are not completely on the same page on all facets of a polyamorous lifestyle. Maybe the cuckold lifestyle is more appropriate for the asymmetric levels of confidence we have in our primary relationship. Maybe one was willing to go along with the experiment into polyamory for the sake of the other, rather than because they were really into it themselves. At one point I said to Angie that if she wanted to continue this thing she could do the search from now on.
So, where does this bring us? Well, we still have Lori and Paul as a special exception to the circumstances, but I do not know if we will actually make any more meetings happen. And I don’t know anymore about the cuckold lifestyle. We in fact had a date lined up for this past Saturday with a 25 year old single guy, after the sturm und drang of the preceding weekend, only to learn the same lesson over again: any guy under 40 is not a high probability to be “real” when it comes time to show up and meet in person. We got stood up.
We bailed out on Lexicon once before because we had hit a stumbling block on this journey, and may or may not bail again for good. It is not clear where this will all go, but it may be a while before we post anything again.
Some things take time to work through.
1 comment:
WOW I can really relate. I feel like I'd really like to talk to Angie alone about her feelings. We seem to be similar on this. We too have been pretty much in a cuckold situation which has suited us both fine, until now. Hubby not getting his needs met, wanting other women, and me not being ok with it. Wondering who are we? Are we swingers? Are we polyamorous, or is it just the wife getting what SHE wants and the hubby putting up with it? We are dealing with the same issues.
Please let Angie know she can write me at naughtyannahotwife@gmail.com
Take care, thank you for your blog. It helps to know others are out there like us.
Love,
Anna XO
Post a Comment