Hotwives & Cuckolds

My continued research eventually it led me to blogs where the subject matter was about various flavors of marriage dynamics that one doesn't hear too much about in mainstream media, but appears to have a fairly large body of interested voyeurs, and more than a few actual participants. The spectrum goes from the well known "swinger" lifestyle to the "Hotwife" thing, on to Loving Female Authority/Female Led Relationships, BDSM, and so on. These lifestyles may involve one form of activity or another that include fetish play: dominance/submission, leather garments and toys, restraints, face-sitting, cock-and-ball torture, cross dressing, humiliation, strap-on (ugh), and cuckolding.

Swinging has been around for a long time. The Hotwife lifestyle appears new, but maybe that is just because the term is new. The Hotwife and Cuckold lifestyles seem to me to differ only in the fact the Hotwife husband may be the provocateur to his wife's liaisons, and maybe a participant along with another male in sexually gratifying his wife. The Cuckold lifestyle follows the notion of the husband actively supports his wife’s freedom to pursue sexual liaisons with other men, on her own initiative, while the husband remains sexually exclusive to his wife. The underlying theory for the "naturalness" of this dynamic holds that women are the ones who actually need variety and deserve it, and men really need only pursuit in the face of competition, to experience complete sexual satisfaction. Orgasm denial is central to this type of play because cuckolding is about the wife's control and limitation of her husband's sexuality while being free herself.

Unfortuantely there is a prevalent image of the cuckold lifestlye that appears in the fictional literature, if not in real life very much, that I think is rather unfortunate: the cuckold is humiliated by the cuckoldress through the use of a hyper macho bull who satisfies her while they denigrate the cuckold in their presence. In extreme case this involves forced (?) bi-sexuality. The whole humiliation thing and forced bi-sexuality is not necessary in my mind. And there seems to be a stereotype that all cuckolds need to be effete wimps. It is all not necessary in my mind, it already takes a lot from a guy to willingly give his wife to another man while being denied himself.

One of the most thoughtful and intelligent sites for discourse on adult play is by author Elise Sutton who has been preaching Loving Female Dominance for sometime. She has a website dedicated to her philosophy that we have included in our list of websites/blogs we read. Some of the stuff she gets into, like that named above, is not our cup of tea, but it is all fascinating. Another source is Lady Misato's "Real Women Don't Do Housework" website. She stays away from discussing fetish play, but does advocate male orgasm control, as does Elise. Even the more "vanilla" website/forum called "Around Her Finger" is a good read. The authors, Emily and Ken Addision, put forth a less extreme philosophy of female dominance, but are also advocates of male orgasm control.

All of this subject matter has a thread consistent with my own long harbored fantasies: a husband’s willingness to submit to his wife's sexual dominance, and orgasm denial as a mechanism for the wife's control over her husband.

I thought there might be something in the cuckold lifestyle to explore with Angie since I have the fantasy of her fucking another lover, and really don't need another woman for myself. This kind of play certainly would be out of the norm for us. Way out. However, I came to this state of mind more as an expression of my commitment to her total experiential happiness, than an excuse to realize one of my fantasies with her. I wrote my thoughts in a love letter to Angie, and presented it to her when we went away for a week long vacation to Montreal in July of 2006 for her birthday. What a rush to openly share this with her. Our sex play now includes a lot of this kind of pillow talk. Angie says she's warming up to the idea.