Surrender

I asked Angie if she has ever thought about having another lover. Her response was "I’ve fantasized about it, but never really considered doing that, you are enough." I was curious about her ever wanting more since I have been her only lover to give her the joys of intercourse and cunnilingus. In the not so distant past we were in a long term rut, averaging maybe one or two

For myself, I occasionally fantasized about doing it with another woman when I masturbated in secret….like most men. But began to think more and more about experiencing the voyeuristic pleasure of watching her make love with another man (sometimes, woman). I never expressed my fantasies to her for fear she would be offended, so I left those fantasies buried.


My research into the dynamics of relationships and marriages brought me to some very interesting reading. After the Worshipping Your Wife article, I found the Around Her Finger website authored by Ken and Emily Addision, then the “Real Women Don’t Do Housework,” site by someone with the pen name “Lady Misato.” The theme of these websites, forums, and blogs was consistently along the lines that a marriage is happier when the wife has the leadership role in the relationship, and the husband’s role is to submit to his wife, knowing that all females are special creatures put here on earth to lovingly guide males.


Interesting stuff, possibly controversial if your own thinking is firmly based in the historical/ theological context of patriarchal practices in much of the Western and Eastern worlds for centuries. There are/have been/continue to be exceptions of course, but we really live in a world dominated by patriarchal political systems. I thought about all of this: we (men) have provided the impetus to advance the survivability of our species from the early ages, but we also fuck up a lot lately. Wars over the centuries have been a lot about macho, if you think about it.


It was like someone flipped a switch. I realized much of the “dislocation” of my marriage was due to my not recognizing how special Angie is, and a not-so-obvious struggle between my desire to do as I pleased and lack of consideration for her feelings and expectations. This latter point is important, and maybe most readers of this blog and other sources mentioned here would disagree, but a marriage does in fact have something of a power dynamic. How it is handled has a lot to do with the relative success of the marriage. Our wives have certain expectations for us that sometimes exceed our male comfort level.