The author of the blog Cuckold Husband, bdenied, posted a comment to Cuckold Lexicon on the virtues of denial. The implied point was denial of sexual gratification of the man by the woman has its definite attraction and rewards.
I thought I might expand on this a little bit for interested readers, since I have heard from those who agree with bdenied (as I do) that it is a worthwhile practice. I have also heard from those who see it in a negative light, as part of the whole humiliation kick that is commonly associated with a cuckold relationship.
Many swingers, and Hotwife husbands do not acknowledge the term "cuckold" to describe the husband's role in a sexually open relationship because of long held negative associations with the term. I think that is why the term Hotwife was created, probably by a man, who wanted an acceptable label for his wife's sexual freedom and his compliance. Yes, there are couples out there that either seriously practice or simply role play the whole humiliation thing. Good for them. If they want to throw in hand cuffs, even better. Different strokes for different folks. But the majority of cuckold couples who honestly acknowledge their practice experience the true dynamics as one of loving consent and participation by the husband for his wife, and not one of abject, effete, submission.
It is, instead, a gift of liberation.
Back to the inital point, denial is commonly held to be a part of the cuckold practice. This not a new thing either. From what I have read about the sexual mores in the Victorian era, cuckoldry and denial were often associated. It can be a part of role playing-tease activity, or a more thoughtful demonstration of the husband’s commitment to his wife’s pleasure. From either vector, it is a way to focus the husband. Eve may deny me from time to time, but she doesn’t rub my nose in it. It is simply a matter of being clear that waiting for “next time” is going to make it that much better. More importantly it is a way for her to help me focus my attentions on her pleasure first, and only her pleasure.Additionally, every guy knows how hard it is to go too long with out the relief of orgasm, and that is why masturbation is the world’s most popular individual sport among men. We also know that a period of time in abstinence really helps to focus a guy’s mind and tantric energy. Every woman knows these facts, and can appreciate the value of abstinence for her man, knowing that he is going to be very focused on the next intimate encounter with her (assuming of course he is loyal and honorable), and that the period of abstinence is going to build his “reservoir” of sexual energy to higher levels than if it were depleted by regular release. The process of denial is most effective when the wife incorporates the tantalizing element of uncertainty. And really, it is the uncertainty that builds the desire for delicious release that in turn builds the energy level in her man. Some articles on the male psychology point to the need for pursuit, or the need to obtain something out-of-reach, that is fundamental to the expectation-desire-uncertainty-reward connection. I can’t say if it is all mumbo jumbo, but it seems reasonable from my own observations.
I think the anecdotal information out there has, for a long time, pointed to the unsatisfactory nature of sex for women, with notable exceptions, because it has been all about men’s pleasure. The advent of the Pill, women’s liberation, and the sexual revolution that followed have done a lot to change the landscape, but I think many would agree that men are still learning and adjusting to the new sexual dynamic. The revolution seems to be carrying over to a subtle shift in the perceptions and values among a small but possibly growing population, that hold a more libertarian view about sex, exclusivity, liberation, and emphasis on mutual satisfaction.
I for one, am not put off the moniker “cuckold” because it is more about what the husband is doing for his wife than what the wife is doing to her husband.
